Scars, emotional or physical, reminds us of what we did wrong in our lives so we could learn from it. That’s one property of love, is to let people learn from their mistakes that’s why it has suffering.
Filipinos refute criticisms because it hurts our feelings. One false insult, even if it’s a joke, we all react harshly just because it makes us feel bad. What if I ask you this: If your father never criticized you, would you even know your mistakes? If he did not tell you that you’re lazy would you even motivate yourself to work hard? If you did not know your mistake would even know how to correct them?
Criticisms are more of an “eye-opener” than a negative thing because I can see my mistakes and I can correct them, as a result, I become a much more enlightened person. I seriously hate the theme of many today is “think positive”, no offense by the way, it’s because if you do that, you’re only diverting yourself from the problem instead of facing it. You’re not learning.
I’m not a negative thinker or a positive thinker, I’m more of a realistic thinker. I want the real thing. I want real results and real solutions. The “positive thinking” theme only misleads you to something not real.
For example, my younger sister, when she was young at the age of 20, got pregnant. Of course, me as an older brother was deliberately mad because she was very irresponsible. She told me that it’s going to be alright because they can get jobs and support her child, but I told her that she was stupid and did not know what she just got herself into. As if raising a family is all about money. Jeez, teenagers!
After that incident, I did not talk to her or even looked at her for many years because to me, she was a “disgrace” to the family. Yes, I was that snobbish and prideful when I was young. Years passed by and her problems just flowed out as I have predicted and more fights between her and her boyfriend came out. Her child was increasingly dependent and both of them do not know where to get the money. It came to a time where she finally gave up and separated herself from her partner. She came to me face down and said she was so sorry for her stubbornness and wanted to make up for her past sins.
The point why I gave this story is because if she had listened to her family’s advice she wouldn’t even went through that ordeal. Instead she followed her “feelings” because she stated, and I quote, “love him.” But she learned that loving a person is not enough, you need a lot of patience and understanding first of what life is before even engaging in a good relationship. I’m not saying to remove love in marriage. All I’m saying is “feelings” must never be your only basis on loving someone.
What happened to you miss is a scar that reminds you of your mistake. Your body will keep reminding you that “scar” so you won’t repeat the same mistake again. Remember this, suffering will always be your companion no matter what road you take. It’ll be your bestfriend and your greatest ally even in love. It is there for it to teach us and make us better persons in life. Do not avoid it or even deny it, face it fully will all your courage. You'll see in the end that that “scar” will hurt you no more.
Remember this philosophy that the Africans stated, the philosophy of “Ubuntu” which means “I am what I am because of who we all are”:
"Ubuntu: I am what I am because of who we all are." – Leymah Gbowee
“One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu - the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can't be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality - Ubuntu - you are known for your generosity.
We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole world. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity.” – Archbishop Desmond TutuWhatever we are now, it’s because of everyone we came with in the past. Be happy you went on that experience missy because if you don’t, you won’t even know a thing about life.
