what to do?

[walalang]

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married na ko and recently nalaman ko ang dark secret ni mister...
meron pala syang nabuntis na ex-gf nya dati nalaman ko lang ng magmessage sakin yung babae
i confront my husband regarding this inamin naman nya na may nangyari sa kanila pero duda daw sya na sya ang ama nung bata kasi di daw nya kamukha at di raw nya maramdaman, alam nya daw na maraming partner din yung ex nya before kaya ayun pinagpasyahan nyang wag na lang pansinin yung girl,
nangyari daw yung nung minsang umuwi sya ng pinas at tinawagan daw sya ng girl para magmeet hanggang sa napunta sa di inaasahan kaya ayun. hay naku nakakainis lang may problema pang ganito 

[nero]

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mahirap nga yan...at tsaka mahirap magbigay ng right na payo...
pero kung sa kanya nga tlga ung bata...pde naman nyang sustentuhan yun...
un lng naman sa tingin ko ang magiging habol ng girl...
my opinion lng naman po...^^

[walalang]

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mahirap talaga, ako ngang number one tagapayo sa mga friends ko nagnosebleed at sumakit ulo ko ng malaman ko.. e yan lang naman daw ang problema namin na di nya sinabi..sabi ko nga matatanggap ko mga past mo pero kung sakaling may mangyari pang ganyan sa present or future...ibang usapan na alsa balutan na ko.

natural ba sa guys ang mahina sa temptation haaaaaaaay

[DocEdd]

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Scientifically speaking, yes, men have lower tolerance than woman when it comes to temptations, that’s because we have bigger amgdalas (organ that controls anger and fear). The disadvantage of having large amgdalas is that when men get angry, we can’t quite control it. Same as temptations, that’s when you wives play a big role in this.

Since women have good instincts when it comes to reading emotions, you have to always look at your husband’s body language in order for you to know his emotional status. Why not ask your husband right? Well, men do not discuss their problems very much so it’ll be useless asking, that’s because we have 10 times much more testosterone in our body and less neurons in our communication center in our brain. Plus we’re defensive when confronted that’s why females are given the gift of reading emotions in the brain.

But enough about science, let’s go to your problem. First thing I want to know is what the hell is your husband doing meeting this girl in the first place? That means their either communicating through chat or text or maybe both without your knowledge for many years.

And why keep it a secret? Isn’t honesty part of marriage? If he had the balls to tell you that he’ll meet this girl, this wouldn’t happened. Judging from his defense, I’d say he wanted this to happen or otherwise this girl is really a very skilled manipulator.

How did I know that right? I’ll ask you a question. If a person is not important to you will you even meet that person face to face?

What’s the point right? The point is, if your husband really does not love this girl, as he claims to be, would he even meet her in the first place?

A face to face interaction means that person is important to you regardless of what defense he says. That’s why businessmen today meet face to face because it’s a sign that they are important to you as a partner. Don’t come and that’s a sign of disrespect.

Your husband did this which means he still loves his ex. I’m sorry to say this by the way, but either way, he’s screwed. His telling you something but his unconscious mind already told the truth through his actions. Even though that child is not his, he’s still screwed because he had sex with her which is still infidelity.

You don’t need a DNA test for this to know if this child is his. Look at his past and if he has any history of numerous cheating then that’s a big proof that that child is his. Another is look at the child’s eyes. If it matches his eye’s color then BOOM, that’s his.

Anyway, the point here you have to look at miss is that he cheated. Don’t look at the child for a second, that’s not the real problem. It’s his low tolerance attitude to temptation is the problem. Fix that part and this won’t happen again. Don’t believe any of his promises that he’ll change because the brain is not a “flip-switch” which tomorrow he’ll changed instantly. It takes a lot of time and effort for him to change.

I suggest you talk to your parents about his because you’ll need support as of now about this problem. Take some time off
away from your husband and think for a while about your situation on how to solve this. Do not rush on decisions please, you’ll tend to do a lot of mistakes if you do that.

The way I see miss, if you accept his behavior, you’re just tolerating his attitude which will prompt him to do that same cycle again.

Take a time off from him, then that will clear both you and your husband’s mind on thinking about the best solution. How long? That’s up to you. Should you separate from him? That’s your choice, whichever is best for your relationship but it’s better if you ask every relative and family member you have before deciding.
    
In my personal view, marriage is already a very hard journey and adding problems such as that will only aggravate both of your lives much more that that child belongs to his mistress. In a legal sense, you can charge him of infidelity if the child is really his. Either way it’s your choice. 

[walalang]

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it happened way way back when he is still single so when he courted me he did not mentioned this issue before

[walalang]

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and  he is avoiding that girl because she keeps on messaging him to acknowledge the child and to support as well, he told me beforehand that he agreed to met up with her to settle this by DNA testing but the girl doesn't show up. So after that he made a final decision to ignore the girl, and this girl found out my FB account and started bugging me.

[DocEdd]

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There’s a good chance this situation will go to court now because you have to file against her for stalking or you could file a blatter case.

Let me give you the situation here, this is a case of manipulation. Though very rare, females sometimes use pregnancy to get what they want. Why? Like I said before females are attracted to successful people or men with lots of money. The bad thing about this is when a guy chooses the wrong kind of female, that’s why I always remind people to get to know your partner really well.

I take that your husband is earning big abroad? If he is then that might be one of the reasons she let herself be pregnant to him. Really deceptive method females do and I’ve extracted how they do it.

First move is “find a target.” In this case your husband. This target must have lots of money and can easily be tricked through seductive words. In other words guys who are stupid enough to fall to female tricks.

This is where technology and social network fail. With the rise of easy communication because of the internet and smartphones, the number of partners who cheated also rose up. I was shocked when I heard just 3 weeks ago that the annulment cases went up 89% compared on the previous years. 89%, can you even believe that? Wow! And they always advertise twitter and FB are good for people, what a stupid advertisement these businesses do, always hiding the truth.

Anyway she used these medias to develop a relationship with your husband by manipulating him with seductive words. That’s where the second move comes in, “find his weakness.” Females know that men have a weak spot in “sweet words” so that’s what she did. And since your husband is weak on females, he was easily manipulated.

Third move involves a little bit of skill which is “isolate the victim” which she did when she met with your husband face to face. Keep seducing your victim to corner him into an isolated place where she will make her “bite” to her victim much like a snake wrapping around first on its prey and biting it to make it weak.

To seal the deal, as you stated, she made herself be pregnant so she could use the child as a sort of “weapon” to extract fear from her target and that’s when the forth move comes in, “use fear as a weapon.” She could blackmail, intimidate and destroy everything in your marriage right now, if that child really is true.

This is where she would do the fifth move which is “divide and conquer.” Using fear as her weapon, she could use that to separate both you and your husband which will bring down your marriage making your financial power lowered making it easy for her to even extract money from her target.

Then the final move settles in, “if your target is already weak, obliterate him.” This has not yet happen so that’s what you’re going to prevent.

I take this girl won’t stop so you have to be smart here to defeat her. Remember, this is survival, you have to use everything to stop this. This is not a game. This girl will use everything against you so never let her have a single advantage. This is where empathy is useless. This is now war.

Good thing a military man taught me this. Good thing there is ROTC back then. I wonder why they removed it now.

What she’s doing right now is a sort of Psychological warfare making you confuse and make your partner fight each other so the first thing you have to do is do not be scared of her. The more sacred you are, the more she knows your weakness and she will strike you at that angle continuously. Do not give her that chance.

Second is cut every communication with this girl. Privatize your FB or change your sim card, anything that can make her communicate you cut it. This will “blind” her making her harder for her to track your moves and this will be easy for you to know her next move. The obvious final route she would take as a communication is people who know her and your husband so take note of that.

Third is do a defensive move like hiring a lawyer. This will be your “shield.” Anything this girl has to say, say it to your lawyer. Make the lawyer extract the test for the child. Let’s face it, this girl will be stubborn. She won’t do the test if you ask her so might as let the lawyer do it for her.

Forth is keep her cornered. File a blatter, tort or anything that can make her shut her mouth and not bother your family further this can give you time to plan for the next solution. You have to ask your lawyer for this because I suck at law.

If the child is not your husband’s then that’s where you have to sue her ass for disturbing your family. File a tort case against her. Remember, this is war. Do not give remorse to your enemy. She could do this again so destroying her completely is the only way unless you have an alternative.

If the child is really your husband’s then you’re in big trouble. The only thing you can do is make a deal with her through a lawyer so everything will be clean unless you have a different plan here.

If she did bluff your family about the child, again, sue her ass completely as a counter move.

You know this would be much easier if your husband knows how to keep his libido in place. 
   

[walalang]

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aye thanks for the advice, he was being silly when he is still single and do not predict the formidable consequences  of his actions
will take note of your advice thanks a lot