why do feel this way? i need your advice please

[chefy]

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i feel so heartless, i broke up with my bf a month ago.. no reason at all kaya nkipag break ako.. naramdaman ko nlang na ayoko na . i don't love him anymore. walang 3rd party basta nafeel ko nalang ng ayoko muna ng relationship.. i dont know whats wrong with me.. parang naffeel ko ngyn ayoko na ng relationship.. hndi ko alam kung magmamahal pako uli..  feeling ko nagiging manhid nko.. i need your advice please

[DocEdd]

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Something happened to you. Something traumatic in the past. Care to share it? It's ok if you don't.

[chefy]

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yes, something happend traumatic excruciating experience to me.. i have an ex 2yrs ago , he broke up with me with some reasons na.. i dont have enough time for him because  of my work.. eh hindi nman i always find time to go back  to manila every2weeks nd constant communication pa din naman thru text or call.. and temporary lang naman na malayo kme sa isat isa... ayun hangang sa nawala na talaga sha.. lagi ko sha tinatawagan nd text until one day sbi nya '' im sorry,im not emotionally stable dw... ayun binigyan ko sha ng time nd space.. hanggang sa nawala na talaga sha..  as in di ko talaga alam kung bakit sha ngkaganun.. until one day nakita ko nlng sha with other girl sa province pa.. eh we're both from manila.. ayun dun nko tumigil na di ko na sha tinanong kung bakit.. after 2months nakipagcommunicate pa din sha saken ako naman si shunga ngrreply at nkkpgmeet pako.. jan last year nalaman ko nlng na preggy na ung gf nya nd kinasal na sila.. =(

[DocEdd]

Tweet

I’m sorry for your loss. I know you’re still grieving up until now for your traumatic experience. We can’t change the past my friend. All we can do is move on and hope for the future to be much better.

I’ll tell you the truth, you can’t move on until you cut your communication with this guy. The more you communicate with him, the more you’re going to be stuck in your situation. If you want to move on, cut all communication with him. Everything that can make him contact you, remove it, even if it means removing your facebook account or twitter account.

Believe me this guy will still try to find you because for him, I’m sorry to say this, you’re more of a “back-up” in case it does not work out with his wife, and I have a feeling his marriage will last in less than 3 years. Trust me on this one. If he ever got the chance to talk to you, do not make a single word, turn around and walk away, and never ever make a “meet ups”.

As a desperate act to meet you this guy will try to manipulate or make some kind of excuse to spark your guilt. Do not believe him. Walk away and never go back. If he threatens to commit suicide, do not believe him. It’s just manipulation.  

The reason why I want you to avoid him is for both of you to move on. What you have not yet known in this situation that this ex-bf of yours keeps trying to trap you by communicating with you which stimulates your guilt. Meaning if you keep having contact with this guy you’ll be trap forever in your “past”. The result? You can never have any normal relationship in the future.

Second point I want to bring here, this guy will cheat on his wife possibly in the future, I’m just assuming here just in case, and guess who’s going to be his target? That’s right, it’s you. You are the closest and you are the easiest target he can get. Why waste time getting a girl if I can get someone from the past easily? Get my point? So be ready here you might get in situation much worst like infidelity.

Last, men are naturally manipulative. They will and will always manipulate their way through situations just to get what they want. This guy is already doing it to you if you haven’t noticed. Both of you keep doing this “meet-ups” and he keeps communicating with you. Since he has already a wife, this guy will talk to you when he has a problem to, again, manipulate your guilt and make you want to meet him. I highly advise you not to help him in anyway even if he has an accident or cancer.

Reason? Simple, “Exposure Effect”. It simply states that the more you are exposed into something, it maybe a human being, things or an activity, you’ll definitely develop feelings with that. That’s why I want you to cut every communication with him.

He will try to do everything to get you to communicate and see him but I want you not to look back and keep moving on with your life. Do you remember the story in the bible of Lot and the destruction of Babylon? God said not to look back or you’ll turn into salt? What did Lot do? Stubborn, Lot looked back at the destruction of Babylon and she turned into salt. It’s similar to your situation, although you’ll not turn into salt but be trapped. Believe me you’ll help yourself more if you completely cut him out of your life.

Do not be stubborn and even try, even for once, to look back at your past. The past is gone. It’s over. Keep moving with your life and never stop. Whatever you have in the past, leave it there forever.

And do not get a relationship first as of now, it’ll just end in disaster. Enjoy your single life as much as possible or better yet, and I highly recommend this to everyone, be single as long as you can. Have fun, go out with your family, do some things you haven’t done before. Explore new places with your friends and family. Get to know everything about them and especially yourself. The more you know yourself, your family and your friends, it’s less likely for you to have a divorce in the future granting if you choose a person not lower than your age.
  


 

[Being Hated]

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E question po. What if talagang "nagpakamatay" siya. Tinotohanan niya? Ano ang mangyayari? Hindi naman natin kayang basahin ang nasa utak ng mga bawat indibidwal dito sa ating mundo e. Maliban kung Diyos tayo, pero hindi naman. E hindi ko alam kung totoo siya na merong "revengeful" spirit na gagala-gala sa kanya if ever nagpakamatay nga siya... tipong hindi matahimik? Sabihin natin na, nananakot? What if... may what if pa noh? What if... "gawin niya" and then, na broadcast pa sa ABS-CBN or whatever... meron na kase nabalitaan na ganyan e. Babae naman. Kabundik na tumalon galing sa bubong ng bahay nila. Lahat ng mga tao sa kapaligiran ay tumawag na ng tulong. Mabuti at naagapan pa. Papaano naman kase, "magpapakamatay" lang din pala, sumabit pa ang paa niya sa wire ng poste nila, kaya ayun... buhay pa rin siya. Ang ginawa ng mga madlang people, ipinatawag nila kung sinong dahilan ng saralin kung bakit naiisipan ng babae ang "magpakamatay" at walang iba kungdi ang ex boyfriend niya. Buntis kase ang babae, ayaw siyang pakasalan. E ang gusto ng babae, pakasalan siya. Ayun. Pati ang ex boyfriend niya ininterview --- siya na mismong umamin na ganuon nga ang scenario. May conscience kase tayo e. Alam niyo ba? Ang taong nagpakamatay dahil sayo, yun ang hindi ko alam kung makakaramdam sila ng guilt or hinde dahil parang pinatay mo na rin sila. Maliban kung wala kang kunsensiya at kaya mong panindigan na wala kang kasalanan or hindi ka guilty pero, ang tao ay may conscience na ibinigay ng Diyos, yun ang mas madali patibukin ng puso at damdamin ng isang idibidwal na tao dito sa ating mundo.

Sige, huwag mo na ako replyan. Ganun lang talaga ako. Mabusisi, lalo na kung palagi ako nag-iisip always in the future or minsan, napapa-advance mag-isip at laging aware sa mga nangyayari dito sa ating mundo lalo na nang nabasa ko ang sinasabi mong "suicide", kase ako, nakakaperceive ako sa puso at damdamin ng ibang tao kaya alam ko ang mga dahilan at rason ng bawat tao dito sa ating mundo. Hindi ko lang mapigilan at hindi naman ako ganun kataas ang aking talino, ganun lang siguro ako mag-isip at magtanong at saka, mag-isip kase ako ay kakaiba lalo sa mga ganyang bagay about "suicide" or anything at hindi rin ako ganun sa ibang taong mag-isip kaya baka, maisipan na naman nila ako na masama akong tao. Anyway, huwag mo na ako replyan.

Nagtataka lang ako minsan kung bakit ang mga tao ay hindi marunong makaunawa sa puso at damdamin ng ibang tao at hindi sila nakakapasok dito, lalo na kung both parites natin silang uunawain, kaya tuloy, hindi ko tuloy maiwasan maging "objective" na tao. Kahit ang emo din, hindi rin maunawaan ng mga tao. Meron pang galit sa kanila. Mabuti pa si Jesus Christ or si God... nakakaunawa.

[Being Hated]

Tweet

For me, in tagalog, para sa akin... be yourself. Kung na mamanhid ka na, go girl! --- kung ano ang nararamdaman mo, go! --- kung ang nararamdaman mo ay ayaw mo na magmahal, go! Be yourself, katulad ko, as long hindi ka nakakapahamak ng ibang tao or wala kang ginagantihang tao tulad ng... halimbawa, nabuo na ang galit mo sa past mong boyfriend, naiisip mong magsabay-sabay na lang ng mga boyfriends which is huwag yun, well, nasa sayo na yun. Desisyon mo yan at hindi akin... okay? Huwag ka na matakot na keyso hindi ka na nagmamahal or keyso namamanhid ka na or whatever... piliin mo kung saan ka liligaya at piliin mo kung saan ka magiging healthy. Darating ang destine para sayo. Hindi destine na darating ang lalake sayo. Halimbawa, kung destine mo na forever ka namamanhid, don't be afraid. Kunin mo siya tutal, hindi porket na manhid ka na ay para ka ng robot noh? Do something like magpayaman ka or divert mo ang attention mo sa ibang tao, pangyayari or bagay sa buhay mo. Yung experience mo, gawin mo siyang "teacher"... ganun lang po yun. Gawin mo siyang "lesson" at gawin mo siyang "guide" ang past experiences mo... ika nga, "experience is the best teacher" --- siya ang maggaguide sayo kung saan ka makakarating ngayon.  It is either good or bad. Nasa sayo na yun kung ano ang mabuti at masama sayo.

Tulad ko. Ang mga past experiences ko, ginawa ko siyang "guide" at "lesson" ng aking buhay. Ang dami ko kase natutunan, sa pag-aasawa ng mga nakikita ko, sa mga syota, sa mga friends, sa mga prinsipyo ng mga lalake at babae dito sa ating mundo, religion na nakikita kong away-away lalo na sa debate... lahat-lahat... pati na ang mga taong nagagalit sa akin, pati ang mga taong nag-eeslap sa akin dito sa PinoyLoveForum, ginawa ko? Tinanggap ko at ikinuha ko silang lahat. Hindi "literary" na ikinuha ko silang lahat, but kung ano ang sitwasyon na nangyayari sa akin, madali ko siyang yakapin at sila na ang nagtuturo sa akin kung saan ako ngayon.

Sabi nga ng trainor ko. "Magalit ka sa kanya. Hanap ka ng "pangit" sa kanya. Gawin mong inspirasyon para maabot mo ang pangarap mo or else, kasama ka na rin sa mga taong walang mapayapang pag-iisip" and kapag para sa akin, nagawa mo siya... hindi ka na magdadalawang isip na keyso hindi ka makikipagkomunicate sa kanya or makikipagkita...  bagkus, sa galit mo, hindi ka na makikipagkita talaga sa kanya at hindi ka na makikipagcommunicate sa kanya. 100% perpekto po yun.  Sabi nga, nakakatulong naman din ang "hate" e. Sabi sa "X-men". Ika nga, ang salitang "hatred" ay nakakatulong siya kung gagawin mo siya as "positive" kase, karamihan ng mga tao, porket galit ka ay konsider na bitter ka or konsider na negative e, which is para sa akin, hinde. Tingnan mo naman ang mga mahihirap na inaapi, sa galit nila, yumayaman sila dahil sa past nila. Asan sila diba? Yan ang ibig ko sabihin.

Kapag nagmamahal ka kase, may feelings ka na hindi ka makapagtiis. Hirap pati ang kalooban mo. Confuse ka pati. Lalo na sa lalakeng may asawa na, diba? Lalo na kung hindi ka makapagtiis na hindi mo siya etext or hindi mo siya makita.

Kapag galit ka, maniwala ka sa akin, ni mukha niya ayaw mo na pati siya makita pa. Mas madali pang maka move on. Hindi ka na kailangan magtiis at no wasting time pa sa kakadelete ng account mo sa twitter or facebook mo kapag hinahabol-habol ka niya.

Alam kong "hatred" is pangit pakinggan sa mga tao, but kung gusto mo ng "short cut" --- gawin mo yun. Para sa akin yun a? Na realize ko lang kase yun. Nagmamahal ka, ang hirap. Maraming efforts. Kapag "galit" ka, kahit pagtitiis at effort, hindi mo na sasayangin ang oras mo pero still, nagtataka ako... pumupunta pa rin sila duon sa "pahirapan" na yun.

Yan yung nagmamahal ka at nagtitiis at ayaw nila maging manhid sa takot na hindi na sila magmahal --- ayaw burahin ang memories nilang dalawa or something pero nahihirapan sila. Ayaw nila pero, gusto pa rin nila parang ganun ang dating.

[chefy]

Tweet

I’m sorry for your loss. I know you’re still grieving up until now for your traumatic experience. We can’t change the past my friend. All we can do is move on and hope for the future to be much better.

I’ll tell you the truth, you can’t move on until you cut your communication with this guy. The more you communicate with him, the more you’re going to be stuck in your situation. If you want to move on, cut all communication with him. Everything that can make him contact you, remove it, even if it means removing your facebook account or twitter account.

Believe me this guy will still try to find you because for him, I’m sorry to say this, you’re more of a “back-up” in case it does not work out with his wife, and I have a feeling his marriage will last in less than 3 years. Trust me on this one. If he ever got the chance to talk to you, do not make a single word, turn around and walk away, and never ever make a “meet ups”.

As a desperate act to meet you this guy will try to manipulate or make some kind of excuse to spark your guilt. Do not believe him. Walk away and never go back. If he threatens to commit suicide, do not believe him. It’s just manipulation. 

The reason why I want you to avoid him is for both of you to move on. What you have not yet known in this situation that this ex-bf of yours keeps trying to trap you by communicating with you which stimulates your guilt. Meaning if you keep having contact with this guy you’ll be trap forever in your “past”. The result? You can never have any normal relationship in the future.

Second point I want to bring here, this guy will cheat on his wife possibly in the future, I’m just assuming here just in case, and guess who’s going to be his target? That’s right, it’s you. You are the closest and you are the easiest target he can get. Why waste time getting a girl if I can get someone from the past easily? Get my point? So be ready here you might get in situation much worst like infidelity.

Last, men are naturally manipulative. They will and will always manipulate their way through situations just to get what they want. This guy is already doing it to you if you haven’t noticed. Both of you keep doing this “meet-ups” and he keeps communicating with you. Since he has already a wife, this guy will talk to you when he has a problem to, again, manipulate your guilt and make you want to meet him. I highly advise you not to help him in anyway even if he has an accident or cancer.

Reason? Simple, “Exposure Effect”. It simply states that the more you are exposed into something, it maybe a human being, things or an activity, you’ll definitely develop feelings with that. That’s why I want you to cut every communication with him.

He will try to do everything to get you to communicate and see him but I want you not to look back and keep moving on with your life. Do you remember the story in the bible of Lot and the destruction of Babylon? God said not to look back or you’ll turn into salt? What did Lot do? Stubborn, Lot looked back at the destruction of Babylon and she turned into salt. It’s similar to your situation, although you’ll not turn into salt but be trapped. Believe me you’ll help yourself more if you completely cut him out of your life.

Do not be stubborn and even try, even for once, to look back at your past. The past is gone. It’s over. Keep moving with your life and never stop. Whatever you have in the past, leave it there forever.

And do not get a relationship first as of now, it’ll just end in disaster. Enjoy your single life as much as possible or better yet, and I highly recommend this to everyone, be single as long as you can. Have fun, go out with your family, do some things you haven’t done before. Explore new places with your friends and family. Get to know everything about them and especially yourself. The more you know yourself, your family and your friends, it’s less likely for you to have a divorce in the future granting if you choose a person not lower than your age.
 


 

when i knew that he's getting married,  di nko nagparamdam sa kanya even text,call or fb.... almost 2yrs  but still i cant move on..=( anyways thanks so much Docedd =)

[DocEdd]

Tweet

Then it means there's something much more than that experience is why your feeling something awkward. Much deeper. Might be someone close or related involved?

[pinkheart26]

Tweet

falling out of love means you want something more,something new...enjoy your being single for now...theres nothing wrong with you,youre a normal person ..sometimes we expect too much ...later you will find your destiny...a person whom you will really love forver..just take time and try to be friendly with others..malay mo si mister right na yon..and im sure you will fall in love again... :)Godbless..

[chefy]

Tweet

falling out of love means you want something more,something new...enjoy your being single for now...theres nothing wrong with you,youre a normal person ..sometimes we expect too much ...later you will find your destiny...a person whom you will really love forver..just take time and try to be friendly with others..malay mo si mister right na yon..and im sure you will fall in love again... :)Godbless..

Thanks pinkheart26! Godbless you too!

[cho]

Tweet

ui, chefy!? my thread ka pa lang ganito? hayaan mo, dalawin na lang kita jan hahaha ililibre mo pako ng hipon? lam mo parang tinapay lang yan..what makes a bread rise? it's the yeast right? that's the main ingredient na nagpapa-alsa ng tinapay. yeasts are fungi that feed on sugars to make the dough rise. in love, we usually have the sugars to make it sweet but if we don't have the yeasts to feed on it then love doesn't bloom the yeasts are the motivations in life.

in your case, forget the past. you can't mix an old yeasts with a new yeast (mapapanis yan haha) live your life for now, find your yeast and along the way, you'll get to meet someone again and by that time, you already have the right motivation to feed on the sugars and make your love rise

[chefy]

Tweet

ui, chefy!? my thread ka pa lang ganito? hayaan mo, dalawin na lang kita jan hahaha ililibre mo pako ng hipon? lam mo parang tinapay lang yan..what makes a bread rise? it's the yeast right? that's the main ingredient na nagpapa-alsa ng tinapay. yeasts are fungi that feed on sugars to make the dough rise. in love, we usually have the sugars to make it sweet but if we don't have the yeasts to feed on it then love doesn't bloom the yeasts are the motivations in life.

in your case, forget the past. you can't mix an old yeasts with a new yeast (mapapanis yan haha) live your life for now, find your yeast and along the way, you'll get to meet someone again and by that time, you already have the right motivation to feed on the sugars and make your love rise

cho romano! woooooooww super check na check ang iyong advise! oh well two months ago pa yan , bgla nanaman kasi ako ngemo bgla kaya naisipan ko magpost, di ko nga alam kung bkt ako ngkakaganito eh 2yrs  na kme wala .. ginayuma ata ako! haha sana ung matagpuan ko hindi amoy yeast!

[chefy]

Tweet

hipon at crabs ang ililibre ko sayo madami nyan dto samen!=)

[cho]

Tweet

cho romano! woooooooww super check na check ang iyong advise! oh well two months ago pa yan , bgla nanaman kasi ako ngemo bgla kaya naisipan ko magpost, di ko nga alam kung bkt ako ngkakaganito eh 2yrs  na kme wala .. ginayuma ata ako! haha sana ung matagpuan ko hindi amoy yeast!

ano ba amoy ng yeast? yeast infection pa lang naamoy ko eh haha

hipon at crabs ang ililibre ko sayo madami nyan dto samen!=)

i like! i like! punta tayo vancouver sometime, lobster naman ililibre ko sayo

[chefy]

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go! seafood festival ito!