WANTED: MATURE ANSWER TO A HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION.

[bruised_and_burned]

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i have a friend who is carrying a very heavy burden now. she really needs an advice but i do not think i am credible to give her an advice since i a female.

for you MEN:

your wife or girlfriend cheated on you. you had no idea of what was going on. nag umpisa at natapos ang love story nila pero wala kang nalaman. until the time came when they parted ways wala ka pa din nalaman. si wife/gf is very guilty. the only way she knows how to lessen her guilt is by asking for your forgiveness. she don't know how to tell you. afraid of what will happen if she admits it to you. after all what she did, she realized that she loves you so much and she doesn't want to loose you. she is very sincere in saying that she regretted having cheated on you. she's thinking, would it be better if i just keep it in the closet and move on, make my husband feel that i love him very much. or would i confess to him and ask for forgiveness and show him that i love him and i will never do something stupid again?

to you MEN: if you are on the husband's shoes, what do you prefer? would you rather not know (what you don't know wont hurt you) or would you prefer that you will know about this straight from your wife's mouth or from somebody else?

thanks. i want to help my friend. and nakikipag debate na din kasi ako sa ibang nag aadvice sa kanya. but since pareho kaming babae na nagbibigay ng magkaibang advice, i think kayo ang mas credible. i have no idea what a MALE EGO really is.

[pastor paradox]

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A very hard choice
In this case I will quote 12 steps of AA

Steps 8 and 9 state : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-step_program
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
The book of AA then goes on in detail on step 9.

So your friend is willing to make amends to her husband. But she realizes that if she does so might affect her marriage.
In this case it depends on other factors, are the children in the marriage ?
Obviously if it causes a breakup then this would be factor.

In this case under step 9, she possibly might injure others. So simple answer is No.

[josh0602]

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In my own point of view, it's better if she tells everything to me. No lies. No secrets. Even if she keep it to me as a secret, I know that I will find out about it soon and it will tremendously affect the relationship and might turn the whole course of the relationship.

[Dune.Kitty]

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Let her tell the story and be prepared about some reactions. If I'm on his shoes I'll be so mad as hell at first but I'll calm down thinking that this girl is still with me so she loves me.

[cho]

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i don't wanna hear it from someone else's mouth..worst is, kapag naiba pa yung story like chismis or something..

[zack]

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i have a friend who is carrying a very heavy burden now. she really needs an advice but i do not think i am credible to give her an advice since i a female.

for you MEN:

your wife or girlfriend cheated on you. you had no idea of what was going on. nag umpisa at natapos ang love story nila pero wala kang nalaman. until the time came when they parted ways wala ka pa din nalaman. si wife/gf is very guilty. the only way she knows how to lessen her guilt is by asking for your forgiveness. she don't know how to tell you. afraid of what will happen if she admits it to you. after all what she did, she realized that she loves you so much and she doesn't want to loose you. she is very sincere in saying that she regretted having cheated on you. she's thinking, would it be better if i just keep it in the closet and move on, make my husband feel that i love him very much. or would i confess to him and ask for forgiveness and show him that i love him and i will never do something stupid again?

to you MEN: if you are on the husband's shoes, what do you prefer? would you rather not know (what you don't know wont hurt you) or would you prefer that you will know about this straight from your wife's mouth or from somebody else?

thanks. i want to help my friend. and nakikipag debate na din kasi ako sa ibang nag aadvice sa kanya. but since pareho kaming babae na nagbibigay ng magkaibang advice, i think kayo ang mas credible. i have no idea what a MALE EGO really is.

well i would rather know the real thing.. guess waht.. it would make our life more easier more happier and for us to know on how do we handle things...because the only way that you would be able to make a new life is to admit your past...and then move on...sabi nga nila for every action, there is a certain reaction.. you must be ready for that consequence.. you must be responsible for  everything that you do.. you did that, then heres whats gonna happen.. it may or may not build a good relationship, but thats your risk of doing that..you dont wanna suffer from the burden all your life.. kelan mo sasabihin?pag matanda na kayo?pag malapit ka na mamatay and then being hated forever?if that person really love you... yah u might see a diff action, becaus e that is a persons instinct...to be mad.. but after realization.. love will still be the basis of everything.. he would help you come back and stand again...(which should be the case) if not... then move on... that person doesnt qualify for your care...id always believe in chances...people change...constantly..by givinng them chances, that gives them more opportunity to be a better person and realize what they did wrong... and help them to build a new life and do the same thing with other people.. so if all of us will continue doing that..then it would be giving each other chances to change..result?=a better life for all human...
chill

[pastor paradox]

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From reading the other replies.
I change my answer .
Generally speaking when someone cheats inside the marriage there is something wrong with the marriage.
Avoid the "blame game".
So maybe confess, and then suggest that both of you go and seek professional help.

[odirefnoclj]

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For me, if she tells the truth at maski masakit I will forgive her because everybody deserves a second chance.  Now, it is up to the girl kung maintain or sirain ulit ang trust.