mahaba ito.. for sure tatamarin kang basahin...
for sure mag aapply sau ito..
hindi pa siguro ngayon, pero time will come... ull see.. hahaha
She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect.
They met and
became lovers in college. They broke up last year
but remained to be
"friends." They send sweet text messages and he
calls her often to
make sure she's okay. They still date. They still
have sex. They don't
see anyone else.
It is obvious that they still love each other but when
asked about
their situation, she doesn't know the real score.
Even her friends are
in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."
She works in a telecom company. He is reviewing
for the board. They
are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone
till 4am. He gives her
chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no
occasion. Their
friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila
nagsosolo kapag may
overnight inu! man? Why does he hold her close
on
the dance floor?
Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya?
"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let
him hug and
kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."
They work together in an ad agency. After office,
they would watch
movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave
him Harry Potter
books for his birthday in exchange for posing as
her boyfriend to make
an ex jealous. They made out during the company
outing in Subicand
never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but
she wasn't sure
if she heard him correctly because they were both
drunk then. But one
thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She
likes him. And she's
assuming that with what he's doing to her and with
her, he likes her,
too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old
bachelor. Both
mountaineers, they became close during their
climbs. After a few dates
in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo
where they would make
out. They have been doing this for months. She
wants to believe that
"sila na" but then she's not really sure about
it. "We don't talk
about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her
friends.
"What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever
it is."
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it
MU or mutual
understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-
boyfriends. Flings.
Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a
phase where the
persons involved are more than friends, but not
quite lovers. Puwedeng
may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or
both of you may have
admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You
just let your
gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na
ligawan na nangyari.
Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga
sinasabi niyo, parang
kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different
stages for
different reasons. It can happen after a break-up.
You still love each
other, and you want to be with each other but you
broke up for a
reason. And for reasons that you alone know,
ayaw niyo na muna
magkabalikan. It can also happen before a
relationship, iyong pareho
kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo
munang mag-seryoso kaya
kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng
maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --
may ka-relasyon na.
Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon
sa girl (sabi niya
makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya
ginagawa),wala muna
kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya
nangagaliwa kasi "hindi
naman kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be
fun. Lalo na kung
naghahanap ka lang! naman ng "kalaro." Pero
huwag ka lang
mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi
wala talagang
kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle
sa ganitong set up
ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may
patutunguhan? Iba't ibang
dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na
iyan kesa wala" or
puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning,
habang wala
pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-
kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious
relationship, they would think that
pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship
at
all. It would be
fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may
mga pseudo-relationships
din ako. No commitments involved. For the
simplest reason that they
couldn't commit, because they were either
committed to someone else,
or that they weren't ready to commit. My
rationalization, "okay na
iyun, kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong
merong nagtatanong
kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle
sa
beach outing. Iyong
kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako
dahil alam kong galing
sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging
kasama. Habang wala pa ang
the real thing,puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a
pseudo-relationship,
the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of
set up, ang babae
lagi ang lugi. Una, you can't ask him to commit.
Since it's not
really a relationship,you can't demand commitment
from your partner.
Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng
hatinggabi? You will
always be uncertain about your role in his life. You
can't expect him
to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous
of the other
girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka
ba niya para
magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure
if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka
lang na mahal ka rin
niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him,
you can't.
Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka
mapahiya ka lang. This
stage will always make you wonder where you are
in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have
invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?
What if you remain
faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to
find out that he
is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is
fleeting. When a
disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets
cold, then that would be
the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi
mo alam kung
saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship.
Wala
kang
pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship,
there is no "us." Meron
lang "you and me," hindi "us." Buti sana kung
pseudo-pain din lang
ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain.
And usually, kahit
tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo
maiwasan umasang one day,
may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be
miserable, hoping to bring
back what you used
to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is
in
another
pseudo-relationship with somebody else. Ang
hirap, ano? You agreed to
this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up
hurting yourself in
the process. Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang
pain eh. Puwede naman na
hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the
feeling, without
thinking of the consequences. But
if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself
in the process,
kailangan mo mamili.
You can be happy and live the moment without
worrying what would
happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-
relationships and
wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship
with an unavailable
guy,a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mo ng
magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak
pagkatapos, dahil
tatadyakan kita."
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya
sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda
mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil
ang "parang kayo pero
hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually,
hanggang doon lang
siya...almost, but not quite.
